Marcy Walker -- she
of the luscious lips, the crystal-clear eyes and the hair so golden it must have been
woven in a fairy tale dream -- has always seemed just this side of angelic.
In relatively short order, the 26-year-old
actress has emerged as a true soap superstar -- nominated twice for an Emmy as stuck-up
Liza Colby on All My Children and twice for her current role as heavenly heroine Eden
Capwell on Santa Barbara. Youth and SB's miserable ratings be damned, Walker has, for the
last two years, muscled her way into the Best Actress sweepstakes, usually the domain of
the Luccis, the Slezaks, the Zimmers and other grande dames. Off-camera, Walker is no less
unique. Her 1985
marriage to Billy Warlock, the
Emmy-winning actor who played Frankie Brady on Days of Our Lives, delighted fans. And
their separation two-and-a-half years later triggered gossip. Not only did Warlock paint a
not-so-flattering portrait of his ex when he shared his heartache with the press, Walker
further raised eyebrows by quickly launching into a romance with cinematographer Stephen
Collins. Though he is the father of her new baby, there are no immediate marriage plans.
During the divorce proceedings, Walker wisely kept mum. But now, she's ready to clear the
air. In her dressing room between takes, the actress, who achieves levels of honesty in
performance that few others can manage, proves just as unabashedly forthright about her
private life.
"To some people, having this baby may
seem inappropriate," Marcy concedes. "Granted, it happened pretty quickly in
terms of my relationship with Stephen, but I've always tried to have a very fulfilling
personal life. I've always wanted kids. The pregnancy was a surprise, but I wouldn't
change it for the world. I don't think there's ever a perfect time to have a kid.
Others might disagree. Says Walker,
"I was shocked at how many people respond with, 'Well, are you going to keep it? What
about your career?' " Further complicating matters was her SB contract, due for
renewal in September of 1988. She'd as much as decided not to sign up again but changed
plans upon discovering herself in the family way. Because the pregnancy would drastically
affect her storyline (ironically, her character was undergoing extreme emotional torment
over not conceiving), it was necessary to let her agents and reps at New World Television,
the company that owns the soap, in on the secret. "And even though they weren't to
tell anybody, they of course told everybody." Once ultrasound tests turned out A-OK,
Marcy, though terrified at the prospect, called her family back in Illinois. "My
mother just started crying, 'Oh, my God, I'm going to be a grandmother!' And then I
started crying, because it was the response I'd always wanted from her. It really meant
that she loved me, that she really loved me, and that pregnancy was a wonderful
thing." Walker's two younger brothers recently moved to L.A. -- one is attending
college and the other is remodeling her newly purchased home -- and the togetherness has
created a strong sense of family she admits to never having quite felt before.
Such major life changes, happening in
rapid-fire succession, would be dizzying to most folk. Walker takes them for granted.
"Since I was born, everything in my life has been fast, sometimes so fast that I
can't really grasp things. Events surround me like a tornado, but I believe that this
happens because I am one of those people who's not going to be around for a long, long
time. I won't live to be 80 or 90. I think I'll die relatively young, which is why I have
to learn everything now. And this is not," she says, rolling her eyes, "one of
those 'guru, Hollywood observations,' but I do feel it's the reason why my life is a
whirlwind." She expects her offspring may follow suit.
But where, oh where, to begin about her
problems with Warlock? To backtrack a bit, Walker never got to college because she landed
a role in the PBS movie version of Mark Twain's Life on the Mississippi, which immediately
led to All My Children, which immediately led to Santa Barbara. The rise has been meteoric
and she's never looked back. It was something, she says, her former husband couldn't get
past.
"He thought I was somehow higher than
him and I could never live it down. I couldn't jump off the pedestal. He was unhappy about
everything and I couldn't be happy about anything. I think that Billy is fantastic and, in
his heart, he's one of the nicest people that you'll ever meet. It's just that he hasn't
been acknowledged a lot in his life and he needs -- and deserves -- a lot of everything. I
was just not the person who was able to give it to him. Unfortunately, if you really love
someone, you let them know when they're bad as well as when they're good. He needed as
much positive reinforcement as he could get and never wanted to hear the negative. I
learned that too late, I often played the devil's advocate, thinking I was helping by
being honest."
Actors being actors and egos being egos,
would the marriage have survived if Walker had been a secretary and Warlock had run a
bowling alley?
"Probably there would have been a big
difference but, being actors, we seek a lot of appreciation. I knew it was going to be
tough but I had no idea how tough until after the marriage when things started to change.
Actors can be married to each other and make it work -- but it depends on what kind of
actor you are. Someone who acts but is really seeking something else that has nothing to
do with acting will find conflict with someone who acts because that person is in love
with acting. They will be like magnets that repel. As actors, we're supposed to be so
communicative, so in touch with our feelings, but a lot of actors aren't -- many can only
get in touch with their character's feelings. The actual communication Billy and I would
have when we'd be interviewed together would be more communication than we had in our
personal lives."
The allegation, Marcy claims, couldn't
have been further from the truth. When the Desperado cast and crew broke for the
Thanksgiving holiday and returned to L.A., the star stayed in Santa Fe. "I had
finally accepted that the relationship had failed, and it was much better that I was alone
-- and I had never been more lonely in my life. There I
was, walking around Santa Fe at 9:30 at
night, looking in store windows and crying, and it was my birthday. Oh, God, it was
awful."
Things looked up shortly thereafter when
she met Stephen (pronounced "Stefan") three days before the shooting wrapped.
"He had a very well-known girlfriend at the time and they had been dating for a year.
I hooked back up with him after I returned to L.A., and he was no longer with her. About a
month later, we started dating."
Warlock, however, reported things
differently in February of 1988 in Soap Opera Now! His interview said, in part: "She
literally called me on the phone from Santa Fe, NM, and said, 'I don't want to be married
anymore.' I haven't seen her since. This business didn't break us up as far as I'm
concerned but it did, indirectly, because Marcy was on location and met some guy and said
goodbye to me. But, see, I think that could have
happened if she went out to the
supermarket and met a guy, so I can't blame it on the business."
Walker took it lying down. "And
up one side and down the other. I read all the horrible things he would say. Some days he
would be worse than others -- with one interviewer he would totally slash me, with another
he'd say, 'No, no, I'm trying to really understand this.' He was feeling a sense of
rejection and he hated me and I understand that. I
didn't expect him to love me through it. I
just expected him to respect what we had. I respect what we had and, during that time, I
refused to talk about it. Not that I would have tried, but mental anguish is a difficult
thing to explain. For at least three months, I was in a lot of pain because no one knew my
side. Unfortunately, it has not been my forte to create supportive female relationships in
L.A., so I didn't have a person I could call and cry on."
Marcy also found herself the victim
of a double standard. "I was the bad guy, which I thought was very unfair. If a guy
leaves his girlfriend or wife, it's no big deal," she says. "I believed in
simply telling people, 'The marriage ended,' but Billy, seeking support from the people at
work and his friends, told everybody that I left him for another guy,
because he didn't want to let anybody know
the real reasons. He couldn't face it. It seemed to me to be a tactical manipulation on
his part to make me look like the worst villain in the world. I don't hate him for that
because he was hurt... but I was hurt, too. Now he knows that the relationship wasn't
working, as well, and that it was the best
thing we could have done for ourselves --
but, still, you don't go back to all your friends and say, 'You know, she really was
right.' All they know is that I'm a bitch."
As to the current state of
communication, Walker notes: "I think things are a lot better for him now, but I
don't know what's going on in his life. I saw him at the Emmys and we talked and that was
really nice. It was fun to see him again. He looked great. I was really, really excited
that he won because I know how much it meant to him to be acknowledged in that way. He
deserved it."
But back to the future. Though Collins,
thirtysomething, has asked Walker to be his bride, for the time being she wants to
maintain the status quo. Married once prior to Warlock (for a year to musician Stephen
Ferris, whom she met on the set of All My Children), the actress states, "I don't
want to make another commitment without really
knowing and really understanding. I
haven't always been the most perfect person. I've made mistakes just like everybody else
has and it hasn't been easy. I'm certainly not against marriage. I think it's one of the
most wonderful things you can ever have and I want this baby to know that it had two
parents who cared about each other and cared enough about him to give him a good life. As
to marriage, I'm a little afraid, to be honest."
Plans, once Walker has completed
renovation of her new home, are for the couple to cohabitate. Her reluctance to wear one
more ring should not be misconstrued as disinterest. "Until I met Stephen," she
beams, "I never realized how important it was to have more respect for your mate than
you do for yourself -- and I have a lot of respect for myself. Never before could I
literally lay everything that goes on in my day into another person's hands and know that
things will be well taken care of. I carried a cross of too much responsibility for too
long. I was on this quest to be the perfect person, to do everything right, to make
everything work. Now, I realize that things sometimes don't work, or if it gets done next
week, it's fine with me. It's a much easier lifestyle and I feel at peace. And Stephen has
a peace about himself. He's genuinely a sensitive person and there are no mind games that
go on. I'm so satisfied to not have to try."
Via intercom, Walker is paged to the
set, and the interview seems to have been as heartening as it has been exhausting.
"I've had a lot of hurdles in
my life," she adds, "and I learned when I was a kid that I will never tolerate
any amount of pain or anguish for any period of time. I'm adult enough to know I can work
things out, but if there isn't mutual acknowledgment that it can be worked out, then I
will walk away from it. Every five years that goes by is five years that's gone. I'm not
saying that if it's not perfect give it up -- but if a relationship is not satisfying, I
won't have it. I think that I'm better than that and I think that the other person is
better. After all, this isn't a dress rehearsal... this is life." |
